There is an old brown scarf at the very back of the shelf in the closet by the back door of Mom and Dad's home. Rather than knitting needles, it was made using big knitting sticks only slightly smaller than a horse's leg and the yarn was tripled to give it appropriate substance for the large sized stitches. It isn't really all that nice looking, but it shows evidence of being worn from time to time. It is a reminder of a Christmas long ago when our family was having a "make it" Christmas–when every gift we gave was homemade.
My dad was an architect and owned his own firm. I don't remember if it was a good year financially or not. In that business like many others there are ups and downs–some years quite good other years quite lean. One of the rules for our "make-it" Christmas was that we needed to save our own money and use it to buy all the materials for whatever we were making. We could also use things we had around the house as long as it was okay with Mom and Dad. I think I was almost a teenager and my sole source of income, as I recall, was the allowance my parents gave me for doing my responsibilities. (For some reason we did not call them chores.) Now my allowance was not particularly large, but it was adequate to buy a candy bar and go to the ten cent movie on occasion. Because it was rather meager, every penny counted. In those days there was such thing as penny candy–in fact there were some candies you could get two-for-a-penny. Mom and Dad carefully taught us how to figure our tithing: From every dime a penny, from every dollar a dime. They also taught us to save ten percent as well. Each of us children had a little bank in which to put our tithing and our savings.
Usually at Christmas time we were given a special allowance which we would use to buy gifts. Mom and Dad would split up with us kids as we would go shopping. We had to trade off parents and siblings from time to time so that we could keep each gift a secret from the intended recipient. I loved looking through the stores trying to find just the right gifts within my budget. For some reason Skaggs was one of my favorite stores. It had good bargains from my point of view and was right across the street from Woolworth's which was my second favorite store–it was a "dime store." Although I only had a few dollars it seemed that if I was careful I could get something for my brother and five sisters, my parents and a friend or two. But because this was a "make-it" Christmas, and without the special Christmas allowance, there was no way I could buy much at all. So I went downstairs into my room with the horse leg knitting needles and the brown yarn and proceeded to work on a scarf. We already had the yarn and I had learned to knit watching my sisters and mom.
As I "cast on" (I'll bet you didn't think I even knew what the term means never mind knowing how to do it.) the first row of stitches I tried to figure how wide to make the scarf, yet I also had to guess about how long to make it as well because I only had so much yarn. It turned out that there were only about 15 one-inch stitches across (Now that should tell you how large those stitches were.) and about 50 rows long. After completing the body of the scarf I put tassels on each end and voila'-- it was done. I was very proud of my accomplishment and even tried it on myself. It was warm and I thought it looked pretty good as well. Completed, I carefully folded and placed the scarf in a box, wrapped it, and hid it for Christmas.
On Christmas my parents always had great presents for us kids. We always got more than we gave and we always loved what we got. They just seemed to know just the right things to get. We would be so excited to open our gifts to see what we got, but we pretended not to be because it seemed more "grown-up" to be cool calm and collected. We would wait in the hallway and line up youngest to oldest and sing "marching ago" (I have no idea where that came from.) as we marched into the living room where the tree and presents were waiting. Again beginning with the youngest we would take turns opening gifts so we could all see what each other got and kind of celebrate together. Well this year I was excited, not so much because of what I was getting but because of what I was giving. My parents were going to be so surprised–not only because of the scarf but because I don't think they even knew that I could make something like that. Sure enough, it was just like I had imagined, when they took the gift they read "From Bruce" and they looked me in the eyes before opening it and smiled and said thank you. Then they unwrapped the box and saw the scarf. Again they looked me in the eyes and said thank you as Mom wrapped it around her neck. They were so appreciative and happy. I was so proud and my love for them seemed to almost boil over. There was a closeness that came because of that event mixed with a thousand others. I found that I wanted to do things for them to give them a pleasant surprise.
In retrospect I think about that Christmas and many others like it. It seems ironic that I used money from my allowance from Mom and Dad to get the gifts. Mom and Dad did not need the gifts. Sure they would put them to good use, but they did not need the gifts. But I, on the other hand, needed to give them. I could not bear the thought of not having a gift for them. I could just imagine what I would feel like if, after receiving and opening my gift from them, I had no gift for them. I am sure they would not have missed the gift (especially a home-made scarf made with knitting sticks), but we would not have had that meeting of the eyes and that closeness. They would have noticed, but they would not have said anything. I would have hidden myself rather than have nothing to give. In my mind's eye I could see that our relationship would become distant and I did not want that. Not because they needed the gift, nor would they be upset with me, but rather because I would have withdrawn from them. They would always be there with their "arms stretched out still!"
It was then that I had a glimpse into another relationship. One which is not all that different. We have been asked by our loving Heavenly Father to pay a simple tithe. God does not need the money. Certainly He will put it to good use through His church, but He does not need the money. On the other hand, I need to give the tithing and give it willingly. I need to feel that closeness that comes from doing what I am asked to do and knowing that He has received the gift with a warm loving smile. When I go to see the Bishop at tithing settlement, it is just that way. It is as if I am looking into the eyes of the Lord, and He calls me by name, and we feel that closeness when He says thanks; and I am glad. It is our exchange of an unspoken, "I love you." And I do not want to hide nor do I want to feel like I can't look Him in the eyes. I want to have that closeness and that unmistakable feeling of love.
